Why The Hell Am I So Scared

I started this page a while ago, I have been paying monthly for the page and yet I sit here paralyzed on what to write. I never used to think I had what it actually took even though I was so desperate to prove myself. I have tons of ideas and none of them get written about because I never think I am good enough. I noticed I was so scared of what other people thought because I automatically assumed everyone was waiting to rip me to shreds. Eventually, after viewing what other women on the internet face, I realized, no matter what I say or don’t say people are going to have an opinion. I have come to terms with the idea that this is to be expected and I can’t control what other people do. I can only control how I react to things.

I originally began this page to help women with their self-esteem, their health overall and their outlook on life. I wanted to be of service to others and yet I was terrified to put myself out there. The same woman who is constantly encouraging her friends to chase their dreams is looking at her own as an option for when things get better. No more. Here I am, taking a step toward what I want in life. The beginning of any journey is supposed to be a little cringe. Perhaps this is what needs to happen in order to see how much I have grown over time. If my purpose is to be authentic and honest then I have to show up in whatever way I can.

Here is to calling myself out for always being everyone else’s hype woman and being my own worst critique. Perhaps this journey through yoga is to meet all the parts of myself and finally become my best friend. Maybe I find things that help me and find a way to relay this information so it can help someone out there. I read somewhere that in order to edit something there has to first be something to edit. If I never create anything, how the hell am I supposed to edit it? Why am I so scared of being cringe? The tale as old as time, a personal favorite in the desi community - LOG KYA KAHENGE?

We, collectively, are so quick to encourage other people to do whatever they want and in the same moment quick to come up with reasoning as to why it doesn’t apply to ourselves. If my mission on this page is to be authentic, it cannot be curated authentic where everything is super aesthetically pleasing because it is not only unrealistic but also time consuming and girl, I got a lot to do. This is the first of many posts, I can assume, that will be a bit of word vomit. Everyone around me keeps telling me to just start and here is to just starting and for clapping for myself. Whatever that is.